My assignment this week is to critique my writing partner’s story (“The Drive: A Mostly True Story,” by Brian Thornburg, http://bdthorn.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/the-drive-a-mostly-true-story-by-brian-thornburg/) and offer a critique of my own writing.

Brian’s story is engaging and enjoyable to read. I read it five times. Each time, I found more things I liked.

Brian starts out by placing readers in the scene: It was a roll-down-the windows-and-let-the-wind-blow-back-your-hair kind of night.  The 75 degree breeze wisping off Lake Michigan felt like heaven.  It was a great night for cruising The Drive.

The things I like: I’m immediately drawn into the story. I know what’s going on from the start: it’s warm, breezy and nighttime. And we’re cruising Chicago.

The dialogue is strong, fast and natural. It’s easy for me to imagine myself in the scene, maybe as one of the “guys.”

Brian uses strong description in setting the scenes. Such description draws me into the story. For example: “Well, my, my, my,” he said, as the cigarette bobbed with each word.  “Would you take a gander at those geese!”  I can see the cigarette bobbing on Bomba’s lip. Brian also uses descriptive verbs (“Tally ho!” Bomba yelled as the Camaro leaped forward and varoomed up the entrance ramp.), believable dialogue and adjectives that add to the story (Blondie, Frizzy and Hulk).

Brian’s use of dialect is excellent. The characters sound as I would expect Chicagoans to sound (and I’ve been around plenty of ’em to know it by ear). Examples: “You mutha-fuckah!” he spit out, “you cut me off!  I almos’ fuckin’ crashed!” Now, granted, I may be hearing it how I want, and maybe the characters are from the Northeast. But I’ve got Chicago in my head, so that’s what I’m hearing as I read the story. I think his strong introductory setting of the scene lends to this voice.  He uses humor effectively, too, which I find difficult in my own writing (mine comes across as snarky).

The story contains the Murphy’s Law turn I expected: the guys’ evening of fun takes a turn for the worst, but it wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be. And, with that turn of events, some of their bravado is checked: “Bomba swallowed all his macho and answered the Hulk.  “I’m terribly sorry, sir!” he said sheepishly.”

One thing I was confused by: The posting includes the dateline: Chicago, 1982. I’m not sure if that’s part of the story or part of the assignment (to include certain details). It is obvious to me that the story is set in the ’80s with or without the dateline. The characters are in a Camaro (still being made), chatting up babes in a Monza (not made since 1980), and they’re using a boombox (still being made but not nearly as cool or relevant as they once were).

I think Brian hit on the points conveyed in chapter one of Writing for Digital Media:

1. Be brief: The story is a short one (per the class assignment).

2. Be precise: We know exactly what happens.

3. Be active: The words are strong and engaging.

4. Be imaginative: The dialogue and description of the bottle toss is an example of this.

5. Be direct: I think parts of the story are direct, and I think the story works.

6. Be consistent: The goal remains to get to the beach and meet the girls.

7. Be aware: I think Brian’s done a good job in this category.

I also think he answers Orwell’s four questions with his story.

1. What am I trying to say?

2. What words will express it?

3. What image or idiom will make it clearer?

4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect?

Critiquing myself:

My post, “Summer on the Shores,” was the second piece I wrote for the assignment. The first piece lost favor as I played with ideas, waiting for the right one to click. I actually wrote the first draft while my toddler napped in the car (never wake a sleeping baby). We’d returned from Chapel Hill and were parked in the driveway. I grabbed the laptop and began noodling around with a memory about going crabbing. I’d spent the weekend with my brother and his wife, my sister and her family, and our parents. Maybe being around both siblings allowed a memory to surface. The first piece was finished (and maybe I’ll polish it and post it), and it was about Santa.

I don’t have a problem cutting the 10 percent Vonnegut suggests. My biggest problem is self-editing. I struggle to get the words on paper. Sometimes, it’s a time thing (lack of it), but it’s usually a self-editing thing. I am so used to editing everything that I can’t allow myself the freedom to express myself. I joined National Novel Writing Month, where participants write a 50,000-word novel in one shot (no edits) over the course of November. http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Over the years, I can say I’ve been in all of the “feedback camps” (“Revising with Feedback,” p143-144). As a copy editor, my job was more about feedback – though it usually wasn’t sought or given – in the sense of editing content for accuracy. When it came to writing headlines, I was a member of all camps. Sometimes, headlines just click. But other times, I remember struggling to find the right words, much like how the writer describes waiting for that moment when the idea pops into one’s head. On those occasions, I would be in the fourth camp, seeking lots of feedback from other copy editors, playing around with ideas, alliteration or metaphors, until I was satisfied with the headline.

Now that my focus has shifted to fiction, I am in the medium feedback camp. I rough out my ideas on paper – sometimes, it’s a napkin or the back of an envelope; other times, I text ideas to myself. I like legal pads for quick drafts. I read over what I have, and then I type up draft one. I walk away for a day or a week or a month. Then, I get back to the piece; reread it; edit it for clarity, accuracy, grammar; and then I write draft two. Draft two goes to my writers’ group. The writers read it for story holes, structure problems, grammar, verb tense, etc. We meet monthly. Some months, we have nothing to share but conversation. Other months, we are awash in drafts. The group grew out of Central Carolina Community College’s Creative Writing Program, which is where we met. We’ve been meeting as a group since 2009.

If I’m writing a business or fiscal report, I find myself in the minimal feedback camp (with heavy emphasis on the math and correct terminology). I send the material to a trusted mentor or board member and ask him or her to give it a quick look.

I use the following guides: AP Stylebook, Elements of Style, the Pen Commandments, Webster’s or Dictionary.com, Woe is I, and whatever is relevant for the writing.